A Brief History
As far back as I can remember, I’ve been attempting to filling the role of “professional, normal person who is no different from you, really”, with varied success.
Immediately after earning a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Indiana University of Pennsylvania, I began working in the field of workforce development. I had always been drawn to working with the homeless population, and so I began my career as a case manager on a pilot program serving homeless individuals who were court ordered to pay child support. I eventually worked my way into a supervisory program management position, where I led the development and day to day activities of a City of Austin funded program to serve those with barriers to employment.
In May of 2012, I enrolled at Texas State University’s Adult Education and Workplace Learning program, and in 2014 I was awarded a Master of Arts degree.Within a year after obtaining my graduate degree, I was promoted to my dream job: Manager of Training and Organizational Development! And just a few months later, I was fired.
After a total of five years with the company, on October 26, 2016, I handed in my badge and left the premises, terrified, but unable to deny that it also felt very, very right. The days following would be colored by an incredible, deep sense of KNOWING that everything was falling into place perfectly, and that my awakening had commenced.
“Buckle up, kid.”
I’m a fortunate soul having had these past few months to experience total freedom…and answer the question: what do I do when there is nothing to do? What do I do when I am free to do anything? I know what I do with total freedom…and that is a really good thing, because as it turns out, there is no escape from freedom.
For the past ten years or so, I have been learning about and using various shamanic practices as part of my spirituality. I am not a shaman or a sorcerer or anything of the sort, but I do often seek (and sometimes receive regardless), wisdom and guidance from those who dwell in the spirit realm.
Frankly, I’m sometimes unsure if my guides are real or imagined. It’s entirely possible that I am simply carrying on a conversation with myself and ascribing my own inner wisdom to some colorful, but imagined character. Does it matter whether the realm in which the spirits live in is inner or outer? Is there really any separation between the inner and outer? Well…one thing I can tell you is that boundaries are important when working in any realm!
My regular spiritual practice consists mostly of just paying attention; stalking what Don Juan Matus referred to in Castaneda’s Journey to Ixtlan as “the cubic centimeter of chance”.
From time to time I will use herbs for their healing properties, and I often use dance as a method to enter a light trance state which helps to open channels for guidance either from my own intuition and/or from my spirit friends. Side note : My spirit friends often look terrible and I’m grateful to report that they’ve agreed not to present themselves visually. In 2003, I spent a solid year deeply immersed in the study of the Tarot, and I still engage that way from time to time.
In March of 2015, a little over three years after I began attending the journey circles with the Austin Shamanism group, I felt it was time to go a bit deeper. I had completed my graduate studies at Texas State the preceding December, and I was feeling a bit lost as to what I should do next. So, when March rolled around and the Spirit Paths workshop became available, I enrolled without hesitation. The benefits I’ve experienced from my participation can’t really be summarized as they are ongoing, and to understand fully, you would require detailed context; so, I’ll have to share the whole story eventually, but…you’ll find bits of it woven into the site here and there…
What I’ve Been Doing Recently
The results of my energy output will be displayed in various formats across this website, but here, I will summarize with words:
- Making art!
- Learning myself, particularly spending some time with parts of myself that were previously lost. (I found parts of myself in small box on the outer edges of the universe).
- Learning to identify and manage my own boundaries in the context of various relationships.
- Feeling more capable as a parent as I establish a solid relational foundation with my son, 8 years old, who is solidly his own person now. Healing my own inner child wounds has been and is instrumental here.
- Developing my technical skills in video/photo editing, presentation, graphic design applications.
- Letting my curiosity lead the way! For example, finding out what is behind ALL of the unclicked buttons in Powerpoint, Word, and other programs I’ve used for years but never actually EXPLORED thoroughly.
- Being less distracted by my own thoughts. Before my “breakdown”, I spent a lot of time judging my own thinking. It was as if my soul had departed and left my body to filled itself with my mind. With the time I’ve freed up by avoiding too much meta-cognition, I recently discovered that I absolutely LOVE belts and scarves! I LOVE accessories, they are everything sometimes!
- Gaining classroom instruction experience.
- Being the factotum Bukowski and I always dreamed I’d be: Lyft, home organization and house keeping services, etc.
- Committing my entire work history (including addresses and phone numbers) to memory by repeatedly entering the information into over 400 job applications.
- Learning how to build this website.
- Installing, uninstalling, and reinstalling computer programs.
- Perfecting my bureaucracy navigation techniques.
I have really been working tirelessly to acquire or improve on any and all content development skills. So, anything that offers another way to communicate a message, I’m figuring out how I can use it. I’ve really been focused on video and photo editing and website development, but even my Microsoft Office Powerpoint and Word skills have improved tremendously over the past year, just as a result of having time to really explore. I’ve also taken up digital marketing as part of my studies. Fortunately, I was able to gain access to a great course from a local company when I was invited to submit a proposal to complete some instructional design work for them. I’d like to gain some solid animation skills next.
What I Want
I’d really like to find a turnaround situation or a start up company I can work with where my action-oriented personality will be appreciated. I’d like to design something beautiful and effective. I’d like to work in a supportive role for someone who has a solid plan that I really believe in, and the ability to gain support for said plan. I’m not a politician, and I prefer to work behind the scenes to get things done; but I also have a special talent for seeing exactly what can be done to make a dream become reality.
I’m sure there is someone out there who could reap the benefits that my skills and talents offer, and who could also compensate me fairly. If I don’t find that company/person soon, then I guess I’ll just have to continue doing it for myself everyday and hoping it pays off. So far I’ve managed to get by…I do enjoy being resourceful and I’m generally not too risk-averse.